Tucker jokes

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."

For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.

The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

But she has to. She's his mom.

People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.