The jokes

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

I hope you have to squeeze the hell out of toothpaste only for the little bit to fall down the sink drain.

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

Why can't the cheetah play hide and seek? Because he's always spotted.

Your hairline is so far back that it would be a 70 mile trip to the back.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.