The jokes
"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple actually got picked.
What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?
You can roast chicken.
Pass me the sugar, Sugar!
Pass me the honey, Honey!
Pass me the teabag!
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
What does the M and D in "orphan" stand for?
"Mum" and "Dad."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
They don't have a home to run back to.
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!