The jokes
Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.
The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.
What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?
A European.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?
While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.
Roses are red, The forest is bushy, OMG did you just cum in my pussy?
Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
What's the best part of being an orphan?
All the chips and candy bars are family sized.