The jokes
Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months?
Answer: The box said 3-5 years!
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Why did the Twin Towers report to the pizza restaurant?
Because they asked for pepperoni, but they got plain.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Did you know that the "f" in "orphans" means family?
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
Yo mama so fat... she brought a spoon... to the SUPER BOOOOOOWL! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
Q: Why do orphans love playing tennis?
A: Because the ball comes back.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.
Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.