The jokes
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
Have you ever seen the Pokemon called Ryh... Rhydon these nuts?
The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five, but the tree left him hanging.
Finish the lyrics in the comments-
iTs CoRn!
Where do orphans get their stuff from?
The reject shop.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
Roses are red and violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the third one's for you.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Why did the golfer change his pants?
Because he got a hole in one!
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!