The jokes
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What is a dirty minded Harry Potter fan's favorite spell before the deed? Dickus Embigus!
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Yo mama so UGLY... at the strip club... people pay her... to keep her clothes ON!!!
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
The "W" in Africa stands for water.