The jokes
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
Yo, your hairline looks like the letter “O”.
Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.
That’s why the nickname for your hairline is the Red Sea.
Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"
Orphans eat their cereal with water because their dad never came back with the milk.
Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?
"Who's the special today?"
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
What did the twin tower say to the other?
"I need to catch this plane."
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?
Which one fell first, the Emo Kid or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the kid.
You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.