The jokes

Which one fell first, the Emo Kid or the apple?

The apple, because the rope caught the kid.

You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.

What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?

A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.

Why did the slave go to college?

To get his master's degree.

A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

I play with balls. Not me, the girl that was "playing something."

Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Doctor: *calls 911*

911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

911 service: *hangs up*

Why did the flamingo cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off.

I want to run. I go Iran, because I RAN, not IRAN, because it’s an Iran joke about the country, not the movement.

What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?

Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?

A baked potato.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/