The jokes

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie.

Bro, you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

The best joke. (This Form)

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

I screamed "Jenga" today when watching the 9/11 documentary.