The jokes
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
How ironic is this?! I was playing Jenga before the first plane hit the Twin Towers.
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
What is the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Some smile, others beam.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?
JENGA!!!!
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole
Yo mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
What is Saturn's favorite movie?
Lord of the Rings.
If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.