The jokes
The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."
The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."
Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?
"Sari."
Your hairline [is] so bad it went down like the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.
Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?
Because it can't find the home button.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
The apples actually get picked.
Why did the retard cross the road?
He never made it!
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."
The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
What is the Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
How does the non binary kill white en Amy?
They/them.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.