The jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Your mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What is a definition of tight?
A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because fuck society, that's why!
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasuuubi!"
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
How did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.