The jokes
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
– It just didn’t work out.
My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.