The jokes
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he was not chicken.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to the bitch house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.