The jokes
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany.
Why is the Nazi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel lied.
Yo mama so fat, she takes up all the space.
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?
Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.
Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."