The jokes
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the only contraction they know.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?
"Oasis!" (Oh, hey sis!)
If you're American coming into the bathroom,
And you're American coming out of the bathroom,
What are you in the bathroom?
European.
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
Why did the man say "hi ti bye?"
You, I didn’t see you there. The pizza place is hunted bad, so you are scared 😱😱😱😱 and so you run and you see your grandma, and you were happy again forever and ever ha ha so funny 😁. The end or is it bye-bye?
Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂
One day you were at the store and you see you in a cart, and so you get out, and it was a mirror. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Lol
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
You take four, then you put a "n" at the end, then you take the "u" out, then you replace the "f" with a "p". What do you get?
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.