The jokes
I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
One day, a chemistry teacher asked his student, whose name is Raj, "What is the chemical formula of water?"
The Raj replied, "HIJKLMNO."
The teacher asked, "What is this rubbish?"
The Raj replied, "Yesterday, you taught the chemical formula of water is H2O."
If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.
DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
what is the fastest country? iran.
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
A person went to tell a joke: "Knock knock!" "Who’s there?" "I don’t remember!" (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now.)
I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! 😂
Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”
That one kid putting Joe: -_-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA!
I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."
You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"