The jokes

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So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

Q) Why did the uncle sleep with his own nephew?

A) Cuz the boy wouldn't stop talking about Donald Trump every single weekend.

Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."

Why do gay men like the filling in Hostess Twinkies?

It reminds them of cum. 😋 😍 😏 😜

Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?

Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.

Teacher: What’s the closest planet?

Kids yell: Sun.

Except for one.

Other kid: Uranus.

Teacher: Uranus?

Other kid: Yeah, it’s right there.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.