The jokes

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.

Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?

Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

What was the ballpoint's favorite sport? Pen-nis.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mama.

Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.

What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?

The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?

You can hear a hormone.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.

What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

Why couldn’t the orphan find home?

Didn’t have eyes.

I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.