The jokes
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.
You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.
The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.
Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.
The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.
The person I hate: Rood.
Me: Shut up.
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
Why does the orphan hate family jokes?
Cus it doesn't have one.
Sy’kyira (😌): I can’t wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy’kyira (😅): SAME!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
The belt broke.
What's the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
Yo mama is so fat she turned the mermaids to fishes.
Yo mama is so fat, she turned all the mermaids to fishes!
You're so fat, you caused the Titanic to sink!
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
I have 25 friends from the alphabet, but don't ask me why.
Why did the Hummingbird hum because he forgot the words?