The jokes
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to drop some FRESH SEEDS.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
Why did the rapper become a weatherman?
To predict the HEAT of his next single.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
Why did the rapper go to the zoo?
To find some WILD BEATS.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!
Why did the rapper go to school?
To learn how to drop some KNOWLEDGE on his tracks.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For some sick DRIZZLE on his tracks.
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"