The jokes
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life in rhyme.
What did the rapper say to his BLENDER?
"Mix it up, yo!"
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.
You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.
I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."