The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick...she still isn't talking to me
Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones
North Tower: Hey south tower we can talk later I gotta catch a plane
(First Person) :Knock Knock, Who there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, Knock Knock, who there, time to make a move, slayin all then demons and we gotta move in too. (Second Person): Knock Knock, (1st p): who there, let me talk to you, be careful where you stepin out cause you aint bullet proof, Knock Knock, who there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didnt come to hoop.
When your friends talking about sports: Jake says " It was 17.56M people watching in basketball championship"🦁
Sam says " It was 113M People watching the Super Bowl" 😯🐱
Avion says "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching World Cup 😶🙀
Yo mama so fat when she talks to herself it’s a long-distance call
So my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store so when I get there,there’s a sign but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead
How do you talk to a giant? - - Use big words.
friend: how's it going? me: good, things are good! parent: how are you? me: oh I'm fine! Twitter: compose new tweet? me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?" Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?" Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
Im going to do a song thats called Falling by Trevor Daniel... so here it goes
My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up Now you the one that I'm calling Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything I'll never give my all again 'Cause I'm sick of falling down When I open up and give my trust They find a way to break it down Tear me up inside, and you break me down
Mirrors can’t talk, it’s sad that it can’t laugh at you!
Father awaits the birth of his first child. The obstetrician: "Unfortunately he has no arms". "I'll love it all the same". But the obstetrician adds: "It is also without legs, trunk, head". "I'll love it all the same". Then the obstetrician confessed to him: "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born". "I'll love it all the same". And the obstetrician: "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!".
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool
Me: God Bryce do we really have to talk about this again? Bryce: what? Me: Your still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3! P.S. I'm a girl
The first time you have a new phone you have a different one you can change your phone to a new phone but it doesn’t change the phone 📱 it’s just different I think it will work I just think it would look good 👍 and then it would work but you don’t know if it’s the right thing for the new one you just know it’s the wrong 😑 it’s a bad phone 📱 it’s a new thing it’s the same for different every day but it doesn’t look 👀 and I think 🤔 so it’s not a good 👍 but it works so it’s different so it’s different for the new phone 📱 and it doesn’t have to work on it doesn’t matter to the same for you know it’s just the one ☝️ but it doesn’t have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one ☝️ but it is not that the new iPhone 📱 so you have the one that’s the other is that I have the same thing and it’s the same phone 📱 but I have to get the new iPhone 📱 I just want it and then you have a good 😊 and it’s a different number so it’s just like 👍 so it’s just one ☝️ but you know it’s not like 👍 I have the new iPhone 📲 so you know it’s just one ☝️ so it’s a little more than just the one ☝️ and it will get the new phone 📞 so it’s just easier and cheaper for the money 💴 but it won’t cost 💲 much more to pay 💰 off your car 🚘 than to get the phone 📱 for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car 🚘🚘 fixed so it’s easier and quicker and I will be happy 😆 I’m happy happy 😊 I’m so excited excited 😊 thank y all and I will talk soon 🔜 and have you have an update as to the results soon 🔜 thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good 😌 hope to be in your class today love ❤️ and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye ✌️
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
Talking about planets with my nephew. He asked if you could Plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.
Me and my brother talking about relationships Me: We live kind of differently Brother: We're sort of alike Me: We're not alike Brother because he's taken: cause you don't have boyfriend! My thoughts: You're right. Cause I have a girlfriend!
