So jokes
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Why was the orphan so successful? Because when they were told “go big or go home,” they only had one option.
Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common.
They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Your mum is so fat, flat earthers think she's round!
Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.
Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
Yo mama so fat and old, she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs!
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he just asked her to move.
Bro, yo mama so fat Thanos had to clap her out of existence.
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.