Robert De Niro jokes

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?

A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.

What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?

Cocaine.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

Watching the 9/11 documentaries, just watching a kill cam.

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK