Relations

Relations jokes

Estate

    • A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

    "My paternal uncle died three months ago."

    "Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

    "It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

    "Then what's the matter?"

    "My maternal uncle died two months ago."

    "Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

    "It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

    "Then what's the matter?"

    "My father died last month."

    "Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

    "It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

    "Then what's the matter?"

    With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

    Midget

    • If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

    1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

    2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

    3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

    4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

    5. Was this funny?

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    • Relations memes

    Dog

    • A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

    The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

    Football Team

    • Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.

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    • Apple

    • An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

    Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

    My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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    • Double Standard

    • I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

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    • Son

    • Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

    They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

  • 1
    • Relations memes

    Community talk

    • A black hole is a region in space where gravity is so strong that nothing, not even light, can escape from it, usually forming when a massive star collapses under its own gravity at the end of its life. The boundary around it is called the event horizon, and once anything crosses this boundary, it cannot return. Black holes are mainly described by their mass, spin, and electric charge, and they come in several types,… Read more

    • One moth ago, on November the twenty fifth, I spoke to someone who I could just talk and talk and talk to. And that person could talk and talk and talk back to me. While that person does have a fondness for yapping, something was just different. She could open up to me about things she kept hidden, and I, the same. I felt like I got something from a talking to that person that I didn’t get out of anyone else. And th… Read more

    • I want some loser no-lifer girlfriend. Here are my preferences: ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    smelly, always says she's pheromone maxxing, not fart-or-poop-smelly tho, just all-the-other-parts-smelly if you get me

    crusty skin, oily hair, green armpit gas and flies around her, bad breath, people around her would normally gag (but she doesn't go out so the only physical real human she knows is me)

    hating show… Read more

    Community