Pricelessness jokes

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.

It's just true.

How do women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.