No jokes
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Carlos.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Please don't kill [me].
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! XD
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.
Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.