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No jokes

One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

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    • Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?

    Person 2: No.

    Person 1: It was in-tents.

    A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

    The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"

    The deaf man said to the waiter:

    "Mmmm."

    The waiter said, "No English."

    Then the deaf man signed, "F U."

    I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

    But no one would do it.

    I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

    What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

    Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

    Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.

    Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?

    Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.

    Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

    What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

    What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

    The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

    Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

    Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

    A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"

    The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."

    I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

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