Nicholas jokes

Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?

He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).

Student: How should I know, that's his story?

How do you suck a dick?

Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.

What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?

GAY

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...