Worst Jokes Ever

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Canning Memes

Heroin Monkey

A list of ten things to do in an elevator. The text reads: Top 10 Things To Do In An Elevator. 1. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 2. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 3. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 4. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 5. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 6. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 7. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 8. Dress up as the devil and then ask other people as they get in, "Going down?" 9. Drag a desk into the elevator. Ask "Do you have an appointment?" 10. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

Heroin Monkey

MEME LORD

The image shows two drawings of people. On the left, there's a woman with orange hair in a ponytail, wearing a black top. On the right, there's a man with purple hair, glasses and an angry face with mouth open. The text on the image reads: "Only Females can get Pregnant" above the woman, and "SOURCE!?!" below the man.

Heroin Monkey

A collage of screenshots of Scotty Kilmer's YouTube videos. Each video has a different theme: using fuel additives when one can't afford beer, being drunk, and keeping secrets. The word "Secret" is overlaid twice on two different videos. The word "Drunk" is overlaid on one video.

Heroin Monkey

Bill Nye is standing on a beach holding a sign that says: "You can become exempt from No Nut November if you change your phone's calendar to December 1."

Why should you care

Truly are

A set of translucent red and white dice with the title "The Cursed dice" above. The text describes the strange properties of cursed dice, including their unnatural glow, and their ability to roll specific numbers on command.

Why should you care

life trick: don't get in relationships so nobody can break them

The image consists of two panels. The left panel shows a cartoon of a blond male character looking to the side with the text 'girls: omg i dont want to crack my neck it might break :(' and 'boys:' The right panel shows a real person holding a shovel and a tub of ice cream with the text 'Girls after breakup: *talks and shares their pain with their friends*' and 'Guys after breakup: I am going to eat this ice-cream with my tactical shovel.'

Why should you care

A split image. On the left is a screenshot from a video game with a character walking near a small structure that might be a doghouse. A creature that resembles a dog is running near the character. The text says: "Probably a doghouse, though I'm not sure since there's no dog around." On the right, there is a red die with the number 1 on top. The text reads: "ME A HALFLING: YES! I CAN REROLL. ME: ....".

Why should you care

You are god if you can do any of these

The image shows a collage of four different images. The top left image shows Thor's hammer. The top middle image shows a sword stuck in a stone. The top right image shows a smiling baby with the text "THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN THE COMBINE COMES OUT OF THE SHED". The bottom left image shows hands trying to remove a bucket. The bottom right image shows a sign with text: "EVERY TWENTY MINUTE JOB IS ONE BROKEN BOLT AWAY FROM BECOMING A THREE DAY ORDEAL."

Heroin Monkey

A cute white and brown puppy with its paw up, standing on a white surface. The image text says: "salutations huzz! can I please get a peek at your calcium cannons?"

Heroin Monkey

The image shows two headshots of men, side-by-side, in a sepia tone frame with an ornamental design. Below these is a text box with the text "Cyberbullying can sometimes get predators to withdraw from powerful positions." Below that is a loading bar and the word "Loading..." and in the bottom right corner "IRL Loading SCREENS".

Heroin Monkey

The image displays a screenshot from a video game featuring a menu with three options: "Give Up", "Try Again", and "Call Luigi". Text overlayed on the image reads: "POV: your insurance claim was denied by United Healthcare". Luigi is visible in the upper right corner of the image.

Anonymous

Best gift you can give your siblings

A white mug with the text: "I THINK ME BEING YOUR SISTER IS ENOUGH OF A GIFT" printed on it.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a cartoon drawing of a person in two panels. In the first panel, the person is looking straight with a flat, emotionless expression. Above is the text "I don't act or look like how I am." In the second panel, the person has a similar expression but is looking slightly to the right and the text above it reads "So what is me?". Below the two panels is a paragraph that is hard to read due to the image overlayed, but reads: "I'm forced inside this meat mannequin, this suffocating puppet I'm forced to move to survive. I hate the way I'm perceived and implied upon. Every social interaction leads definitive conclusions on me as an idea. The millions of me in everyone else's mind. The only true "me" is stuck inside 6 inches of skull and nobody can ever see it.". A distorted image of a pair of red, teary eyes is overlayed on the bottom left portion of the text.

Heroin Monkey

A baseball player is in the middle of throwing a ball. The text overlay says: "Yo can I hold your hamster rq? I promise I won't do nothing."

Heroin Monkey

A text document screenshot with a paragraph about knowing fundamental rights and making informed voting decisions. Highlighted in yellow is "Even with the margin of error being 9 percent average, which is still significant." A suggestion box from Grammarly is on the right saying "One obvious solution to this problem is Iwyluwxzdlvq more civics courses in schools and wxtloj it a graduation requirement for high school students."

MATTIX

The image is a three-panel meme. The first panel shows a red Ferrari speeding down the road with the caption "I can go fast." The second panel shows a Jeep Wrangler driving through a shallow riverbed with the caption "I can go everywhere." The third panel shows a silver Mitsubishi Lancer and a blue Subaru Impreza jumping over a small hill with the caption "B*tch please... We can do both."

𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓰𝓸𝓴𝓾

The image is a compilation of several pictures of cats with captions. One cat is running, another looks cute, one is fat and being begged not to be eaten, and another says it can change.

MEME LORD

@BreezyCarter
Hubby likes shoving soft boiled eggs
up my vagina (I can hold 3) and then I
squat down and lay the eggs like a hen
and hubby will eat them coated with my
juices →

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖚𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖔𝖋 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑

for real

The image shows a split panel with text on top and a photo below. The top text says, "5 year old child: Makes toy videos. 10 million dollar corporations:". The bottom is a picture of a man looking at a Minecraft cow. The text on the bottom says, "I can milk you."

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