Worst Jokes Ever

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Canning Memes

Im totally not drunk 2.0

As a man can confirm

A toy in its packaging is labeled "Useless Man". It says, "This man contributes absolutely nothing to society! Lazy. Unwashed. Just lies around all day eating chips. Now with clothing!"

TechPriestGotDrip

When you turn 400 those nasty thoughts sometimes peer in, but if you're lucky, you can be cleansed by the machine spirit by simply visiting your local tech priest.

A picture of a cartoon character with white hair and a sly smile, with the text "Parents: are you still a virgin? The toaster:"

TechPriestGotDrip

Now you must answer me with toaster memes so I can give them to The Omnissiah

A TechPriest character from Warhammer 40,000 is shown with the text "I showed you my toaster, answer."

原田

A two-panel image. The top panel shows two cartoon characters with swords. The text above the left character is, "The worst she can say is 'No'." The text above the right character is, "The worst she can say is 'Ew'". The bottom panel shows a close-up image of a cartoon mouse with a nervous expression, and the text, "*Screenshot*" below him.

Jazzy💕

Lmao

The image shows three laughing emojis above the text "Only a genius can say these four words four times really fast." Below that, the words "EYE, YAM, STEW, PEED" are displayed in red.

MEME LORD

A person is laying face down on a white surface. The character Plankton from the cartoon "Spongebob Squarepants" is standing on top of the person's back and "massaging" their lower back. Text above the picture reads: "Baby can you give me an upper back massage" Me:

MEME LORD

The image shows text overlayed on a blue background featuring a video game character. The text reads: "I think Fortnite should add a pregnant female skin. Every kill she gets she slowly gives birth. When in water blood comes out. At 10 kills she gives birth and the baby can be your pet. Thoughts? Fortnite should hire me yo."

Heroin Monkey

A cartoon picture of Jerry Mouse with wide eyes. The text above says: "I wanna name my puppy 'insane' so when people ask 'are you fucking insane?' I can say 'no I'm fucking my sister'".

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Heroin Monkey

A collage of screenshots of Scotty Kilmer's YouTube videos. Each video has a different theme: using fuel additives when one can't afford beer, being drunk, and keeping secrets. The word "Secret" is overlaid twice on two different videos. The word "Drunk" is overlaid on one video.

Heroin Monkey

Bill Nye is standing on a beach holding a sign that says: "You can become exempt from No Nut November if you change your phone's calendar to December 1."

Why should you care

Truly are

A set of translucent red and white dice with the title "The Cursed dice" above. The text describes the strange properties of cursed dice, including their unnatural glow, and their ability to roll specific numbers on command.

Why should you care

life trick: don't get in relationships so nobody can break them

The image consists of two panels. The left panel shows a cartoon of a blond male character looking to the side with the text 'girls: omg i dont want to crack my neck it might break :(' and 'boys:' The right panel shows a real person holding a shovel and a tub of ice cream with the text 'Girls after breakup: *talks and shares their pain with their friends*' and 'Guys after breakup: I am going to eat this ice-cream with my tactical shovel.'

Why should you care

A split image. On the left is a screenshot from a video game with a character walking near a small structure that might be a doghouse. A creature that resembles a dog is running near the character. The text says: "Probably a doghouse, though I'm not sure since there's no dog around." On the right, there is a red die with the number 1 on top. The text reads: "ME A HALFLING: YES! I CAN REROLL. ME: ....".

Why should you care

You are god if you can do any of these

The image shows a collage of four different images. The top left image shows Thor's hammer. The top middle image shows a sword stuck in a stone. The top right image shows a smiling baby with the text "THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN THE COMBINE COMES OUT OF THE SHED". The bottom left image shows hands trying to remove a bucket. The bottom right image shows a sign with text: "EVERY TWENTY MINUTE JOB IS ONE BROKEN BOLT AWAY FROM BECOMING A THREE DAY ORDEAL."

Heroin Monkey

A cute white and brown puppy with its paw up, standing on a white surface. The image text says: "salutations huzz! can I please get a peek at your calcium cannons?"

Heroin Monkey

The image shows two headshots of men, side-by-side, in a sepia tone frame with an ornamental design. Below these is a text box with the text "Cyberbullying can sometimes get predators to withdraw from powerful positions." Below that is a loading bar and the word "Loading..." and in the bottom right corner "IRL Loading SCREENS".

Heroin Monkey

The image displays a screenshot from a video game featuring a menu with three options: "Give Up", "Try Again", and "Call Luigi". Text overlayed on the image reads: "POV: your insurance claim was denied by United Healthcare". Luigi is visible in the upper right corner of the image.

Anonymous

Best gift you can give your siblings

A white mug with the text: "I THINK ME BEING YOUR SISTER IS ENOUGH OF A GIFT" printed on it.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a cartoon drawing of a person in two panels. In the first panel, the person is looking straight with a flat, emotionless expression. Above is the text "I don't act or look like how I am." In the second panel, the person has a similar expression but is looking slightly to the right and the text above it reads "So what is me?". Below the two panels is a paragraph that is hard to read due to the image overlayed, but reads: "I'm forced inside this meat mannequin, this suffocating puppet I'm forced to move to survive. I hate the way I'm perceived and implied upon. Every social interaction leads definitive conclusions on me as an idea. The millions of me in everyone else's mind. The only true "me" is stuck inside 6 inches of skull and nobody can ever see it.". A distorted image of a pair of red, teary eyes is overlayed on the bottom left portion of the text.

Heroin Monkey

A baseball player is in the middle of throwing a ball. The text overlay says: "Yo can I hold your hamster rq? I promise I won't do nothing."

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