I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
What’s the only long-lasting thing from China?
Covid.
What does pink Floyd and princess Dianna have in common..., the wall has there last big hit
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year it's still printing
What was the last thing that went through the 9/11 jumpers heads?
Their ankles.
My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What was the last thing to go through princess Diana’s head before she died? The steering wheel
Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.
The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
