You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
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Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
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We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we’ve been married for 10 years.
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Your kid is so annoying he makes his Happy Meal cry.
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You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
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Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
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I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
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I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.
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I only take you everywhere I go just so I don’t have to kiss you goodbye.
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Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
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Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! I still have mine.
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Your face makes onions cry.
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The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.
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You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.
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It’s impossible to underestimate you.Her teeth were so bad she could eat an apple through a fence.
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I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.
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I’m not a nerd; I’m just smarter than you.
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Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
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Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
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You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.
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I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
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Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
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You are the human version of period cramps.
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If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
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You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
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I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
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Don’t worry — the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
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I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull.
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I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
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OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
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“Check your lipstick before you come for me.” — Naomi Smalls, RuPaul’s Drag Race
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“It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’” — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
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“Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth?” — Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Oblivion
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“Go back to Party City, where you belong!” — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race
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“Where’d you get your outfits, girl, American Apparently Not?” — Trixie Mattel, RuPaul’s Drag Race
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“Impersonating Beyoncé is not your destiny, child.” — RuPaul, RuPaul’s Drag Race
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“Don’t get bitter, just get better.” — Alyssa Edwards, RuPaul’s Drag Race
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Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
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You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
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I know you are, but what am I?
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I see no evil, and I definitely don’t hear your evil.
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You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
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When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would ya?
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Bye, hope to see you never.
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Complete this sentence for me: “I never want to see you ____!”
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Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah… that is now.
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I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
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N’Sync said it best: “BYE, BYE, BYE.”
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Wish I had a flip phone so I could slam it shut on this conversation.
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How many licks till I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
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Wow, your maker really didn’t waste time giving you a personality, huh?
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You’re cute. Like my dog. He also always chases his tail for entertainment.
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Someday you’ll go far… and I really hope you stay there.
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Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
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You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.
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Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
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Did I invite you to the barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?
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I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.
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Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
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Yeah? Well, you smell like hot dog water.
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Thumbs down
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That sounds like a you problem.
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Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
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Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.
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“I’ve been called worse things by better men.” FUN FACT: Pierre Trudeau, a Canadian politician, used this clap back after learning that Richard Nixon had insulted him. The political shade!
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Well, the jerk store called. They’re running out of you.
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“What, like it’s hard?” — Elle Woods, Legally Blonde
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Sorry, not sorry.
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I’m busy right now; can I ignore you another time?
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If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass.
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You have an entire life to be a
very good
epic
Im new and i lik it
Just saying the chat is loooooooooooooooooooooong
Wait hi pewdipie
Hi all of the roast what Anonymous123 said is to u
ROAST 10000!!!
.... Is that... Nothing to speak
Hi everyone
Nice wall of text i totally read the whole thing nighaa
Give me the most likes 😿
PLS
Dam so much writing
just copied and pasted it from a website
This is the longest thing I've seen yet. Nice
Nice one
number 11 tho
holy shit lol