Inactivity jokes

"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?

What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.

I didn't want to interrupt her.

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

Is Gwen still on this app thing?