I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
Howe Jokes
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
How do you call a very long terrorist?
9/11.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Why do people play basketball?
Because they want to learn how to suck balls.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
How many times was Bin Laden shot?
911 times.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
How many times was Osama bin Laden shot?
911 times.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
