Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
HI Jokes
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?
A: Because it tasted like shit.
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"
Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi.
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
What did a car say hi to?
It said hi to the school.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
