HI jokes
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.
I love myself.
Hi, how are you doing today?
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today, did I have...
Hi huuuuuy.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going home and walk home and I got home.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"
Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert?
He was stuffed.
If Donald Trump had sex with an orange, guess what his son would be?
An orange tree! :>
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.