Hes jokes
Why was Wet scared of Water? Because he was the water.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he's a bronze fish.
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't hit a home run.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
'Cause he was on crack.
Why did the elephant get kicked out of the public pool?
Because he kept on dropping his trunks! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."