Herring jokes

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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    • I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

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    • A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

    A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

    Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

    Woman: "What's the bad news?"

    Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

    Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

    Dr: "It's dead!"

    Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

    After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

    The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

    Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

    True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.

    The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"

    Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"

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    • A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"

    Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"

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    • A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

    Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

    Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

    Brother:......

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    • Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says, "Buy me a drink." She replies angrily, "Get your own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink?" Trump responds, "The kind that will grab you by the p***y."

    One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

    There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

    The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

    The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

    You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

    You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.