Hard enough jokes

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you throw it hard enough.

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.

To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?

A. Calculus homework.