Flexibility jokes

What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?

They can blow themselves up.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

I suck my dick.

What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers? The Tower of Pisa is more flexible.

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."