DoS jokes
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"