What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
What do cows read? The moospaper!
What do you call a skeleton's egg?
An egg-i-BONE!
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.
#1: What are you doing?
#2: Watching a movie.
#1: Oh, I know why, because you move-ie.
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
What do you call an Indian babysitter?
Nanny.
