DoS jokes
Where do walls shop?--Walmart.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
What do you call a sad Doge?
What?
Nothing but Sarrrooooddd!
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
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Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?
An orphan.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.