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DoS jokes

Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

Orphan: What! No! Please no!

Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?

A vegetable rack.

What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.

What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”

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    • One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!