DoS jokes
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What do you call a group of black people?
A hoodie.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toed.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What do you call me?
Chinese?
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
What do planets read?
Comet books.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!