DoS jokes
What do you call a kid that lives alone?
An orphan. ;)
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every scene has a cast!
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
What do you call an imposter octopus?
Octosus.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Little Johnny was not paying attention in class, so the teacher told him, "Do you know what happens when you don't pay attention?"
Little Johnny said, "No, what?"
She answered, "The principal's office."
Then little Johnny said, "Hey teach, do you know what it means when you have balls on your chin?"
The teacher answered, "No, what?"
"You have a d!ck in your mouth!"
What do you call a man with farts?
DEEZ NUTS!
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Answer: Elephino.