DoS jokes
If Uranus was a dick, then why do they make Uranus?
What do plus a nut and a pee make?
Pee-nuts.
What do plus a pee and a nut... Nut pees, wait, pee nuts.
Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.
Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.
Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.
Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?
Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.
What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?
The NBA.
What kind of poops do ghosts take? A spooky dookie.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces!! HAHAHA
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
How do you call an American bee?
USB.
How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?
Marry her.
I do not understand why people aren't scared of spiders. I mean, like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 23864867759578590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes.
I saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THERE?????????
Nope. I'm moving to Japan.
KONNICHIWA
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What do ants use when they're stinky?
Deodorant.
What egg do you buy an orphan?
Free range.
What do you call a Dino stripper?
A dinowhore.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.