Do jokes
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
What does a robot do after a one night stand?
He nuts 'n bolts!
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
How do you name a Chinese person?
You drop a metal spoon on a tile floor.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.