Do jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
What do you call a cow that has been shot?
Holy cow!
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
What do cows read? The moospaper!
What do you call a skeleton's egg?
An egg-i-BONE!
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face.
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.